I'm a hypocrite guy in and out

assalamualaikum 

Hidup sekarang ni : rasa sedih sangat =(

Diri sendiri selalu rasa dan perasan yang – “ I got one big happy family”

And because of that, I’m grateful enough.

Walau apa pun halangan yang menimpa , saya tahu saya ada backup iaitu keluarga saya.

Dan dengan itu juga , saya jadi tak kisah hidup single dan unavailable(easily mean ; single but don’t want any sort of couple-nonhalal  relationship ). Sebab di sudut hati saya , saya percaya walau apa pun terjadi , saya ada keluarga yang akan ada untuk saya di kala susah dan senang.

Dan kepercayaan itu hampir hilang.

Dugaan menimpa-nimpa , seakan saya rasa semput sendiri.

Keluarga saya bukan lagi keluarga bahagia yang dulu.

Even though, dari luar nampak bahagia but I know the truth and it really hurt me somehow.

Adik-adik belum tahu  and bcoz of that I have to act like I’m don’t know and be happy with it. yeah, acting !! I should be an actress becoz of that. 

To mama & abah , been acting like a good daughter , actually I was like want to …………. !!! angry and sad at the same time.

Sedara..uncle and aunties , I have to act like an innocent niece that don’t know anything. I’m not a child anymore !!! 

To friends, I act like a simply happy guy, in and out. Just keep smiling and laughing like usual. Try to through this hectic medical life like usual. 

I’m like a hypocrite guy in and out.

Dan untuk kesekian kalinya , I hate that title ‘anak sulung’. Bcoz of that title , I have to endure all of this.

I know everything but I have to act like I don’t know anything.

I felt really hurt in & out but I have to act like I don’t felt anything in & out.

Yeah , it is really hard.

Listening to this song make me somehow laughing + crying at the same time ^^

Yeah, call me ‘crazy’ !!

 [Chorus]
I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel
That I do do will
Miss you much
Miss you much

I can see the first leafs falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way I'm feeling inside

[Chorus]

Outside it's no raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end

[Chorus]

I have your arms around me
Warm like fire
But when I open my eyes
Your gone

[Chorus: x2]

I’m a BIG BIG girl , has to be independent somehow.

Sometimes , I was hoping of some hero (like a Korean drama) came to rescue me from all of this LOL

But seriously , I was thinking of running away from my family all the time, 

tetapi jauh di sudut hati ini ,

reminds me that I’m  ‘anak sulung’ ,

has to be responsible , and has to support my family especially during this period of time.

yeah , right !! 

And eventually, here I am became the hypocrite guy once again

*senyum pahit* --> tak sedap !!!

p/s : sorry for that negative wave effect again *huh*